True Security and the Lie of Never Enough

So many messages our society sends can heighten insecurity. One of the most dangerous is that nothing is ever enough. We need more. 

In some ways, that’s true: nothing is ever enough to guarantee security, because there are no guarantees in risk (and life!). Natural disasters can derail us. Illness can sideline us. Accidents can hurt us. Poor planning can also cause problems, so we should try to plan well, but sometimes shit happens, our planning becomes relatively moot, and we need to react, re-think, and re-imagine. 

It can be scary, frustrating, and sometimes random. But rather than accept this and adapt to the rhythm of life on shifting seas—which is reality—society encourages us to build castles and fortresses, to hoard, to keep out others however we define them, to scramble for more rather than scrambling to help more.

The trap of building castles

But that urge to castle-build is a trick. To a point, yes, resources can serve as a cushion, but too much security-seeking can get dangerous. Because life, in all its ups and downs, is fundamentally not about risk minimization. (Neither is good business.) It involves balancing tradeoffs and taking educated risks now and then. Massive gains rarely come from a pure security mindset. As just one example, if we never go on a date, we may never fall in love, get married, or expand our families. 

And real security, to the degree it exists, comes from connections. From the people who love us and who we love in turn. From the acquaintances who make our day a bit brighter, and vice versa. From strong and weak connections of all kinds, forming a mesh that supports ourselves and society. This is real strength. 

And it is what we’ve lost much of over the past several decades (in the US, at least): community ties, friendship ties, extended family ties, intimacy. Replacing deep connections in the real world with social media and video games is a failed strategy, and replacing human connections with AI will also be a failed strategy, though a more sophisticated one.

We need other people, with all their ups and downs, their flaws and faults, their idiosyncrasies and inefficiencies. No matter how smoothly an artificial system runs, and no matter how high we climb within that system, it’s no match for a human hug.

On innovation and human support

Maybe that sentiment will be controversial someday. (Maybe it already is!) Maybe people will collectively decide that artificial intelligence offers equivalent friendship and relationships to human ones. But I don’t buy it. We need each other, even though other people can also be a pain in the neck. 

Life is uncertain, no matter how much we try to distance ourselves from that reality with wealth, possessions, perceived security, and high-end experiences. It always has been uncertain, and it always will be. But that’s also the adventure, the source of drive, the catalyst and spark for evolution and innovation. What’s out there?

And in facing that adventure, it helps immensely to have other people along for the ride, or cheering us on, or having deep conversations with us when we stumble. No one is an island—it’s as true now as it was hundreds of years ago. 

Forging true security

Endlessly seeking resources to counterbalance uncertainty is a path, for sure, but no amount of resources can fully replace real connections, and absolute security remains ephemeral. The destination is always another step away. More. More. More. 

True security is the acceptance of uncertainty, the forging and nourishing of connections to mitigate against risk and the simultaneous enjoyment of those connections for their own sake, the embrace of the journey, the choosing among opportunities in accordance with our values and ever-changing goals, and the clear eyes and calm heart to understand what we can and cannot control. 

If you’re celebrating a holiday weekend, enjoy the time and the experience! See you next week. 

Cheers,

Stephanie